Another crappy day at work. I think I'm seeing a pattern here... Christie is doing sales now so I had to stay until 5. I don't get an hour break because she's not there so technically I work an extra hour, I just don't get paid for it. Fuck. And it just really pisses me off that Roger gets so annoyed that I give him so many parts calls. I can't control who f-ing calls and it's you fucking job so shut up and deal with it. My mood levels have been sliding on a downward spiral for some time now. Whenever I come down from my highs I need to hit the bottom before it spikes again, so hopefully the shittiness will end this week. Ugh.

Plus I was reading about social anxiety disorder online today and I'm pretty sure that's what I've got, at least mildly. You guys weren't too far off when you said I was antisocial. Check this out;

Warning signs of social phobia include:

• Intense worry for days or even weeks before an upcoming social situation.
  
• Extreme fear of being judged by others, especially people you don’t know.
  
• Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations.
  
• Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will embarrass or humiliate yourself.
  
• Avoidance of social situations to a degree that limits your activities and causes disruptions to your daily life.

And this (the second and third paragraphs are so dead on it seriously freaked me out. Remember how I was 'sick' all the time at school? It always landed on a presentation day.):

'Is social anxiety disorder the same as shyness? The short answer is “No, it’s much worse.” Social anxiety disorder is a kind of extreme shyness: extreme to the point of avoiding social situations and causing disruption to social and professional relationships.

For example, if you get the jitters before making a speech or presentation, that’s considered pretty normal. If you call in sick to avoid making the presentation, that’s a clue that your anxiety exceeds normal levels. The shy guy might be too nervous to ask someone to dance at a party, but the person with social anxiety disorder, sure that everyone will decide his clothes are uncool and that he’ll spill a drink on himself, will skip the party altogether.

A person with social phobia might fail to attend the first meeting of a class or conference because she knows she’ll be asked to introduce herself. Another might worry all week about a weekly team meeting at work, deathly afraid that he’ll be required to describe what he’s working on or even answer a question. Some people with social anxiety disorder find it difficult to pick up a phone and call the cable company (what if the person on the other end thinks her request is stupid?), stand in line at the supermarket (he knows people aren’t really staring at him, but he feels as if they are), or simply walk down the street (what if she has to talk to someone?).'

And here's the clincher.

"Interpersonal Difficulties – People with social anxiety disorder are less likely to marry than others and may have fewer friends and social support."

x . x . x . x . x

Back to more normal things, tonight I went and got gas, went to the store, got a book I'll never read from the library, got McDonald's, and rented Casanova and discs one and two of the first season of Heroes from Blockbuster. I watched the first episode tonight and really liked it, except for the gay flying part with the two brothers. And the stupid chick with the split personalities...her mouth bothers me. It's always gaping in this ugly chipmunk way and it pisses me off. Whatever, I like the show so I can deal. Can you guess who my favorite character is? *hint= the Asian.

And now I'm listening to "The Scientist" on my iPod, pretty much the saddest song ever. Not kidding, and I search these types of songs out and it really is the most depressing, heart breaking song. Every time I hear it I just want to cry. But not the angry, dirty tears, the clean, wash your soul type. Whatever that is.

"I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzle apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start" -"The Scientist", Coldplay